I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
