i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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