What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
