Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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