Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
