"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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