Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
