Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
