I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
