i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
