so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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