How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
