i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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