So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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