My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
