They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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