i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
