The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
