My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
