if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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