i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
