Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
