You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
