Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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