Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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