how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
