It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
