Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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