I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He did a backflip because drugs
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