i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
