I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
