Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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