are you still at the devil's house?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
