So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
