My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
