You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
