I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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