I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
