I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't deserve a penis
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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