I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
