i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
