we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
