Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
