Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
