he shaved USA in his pubs
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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