I have demons in me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
