oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
