I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
