I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He has the fingertips of a God
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