that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
