Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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