i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
