My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
