Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
