Someone shit on the floor
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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